*~,.,~*Aditi*~,...'s profileAnd there it comes...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
And there it comes...I want to die as much as I want to live...
Thanks for visiting!
Take it away So. This is what it feels like. I'd almost forgotten. But you take it all away. Make me feel so put down. Lost. I want to get away. And I will. I will always get what I want. No matter how hard or how impossible it looks. I want to be alone. Left alone to see what I want, to know what I want. Your words hurt. You hurt me more. Never thought I'd feel like this again. I thought you were my Saviour. But you aren't. You aren't. I'm tired of staring at the sun Can't stand the way you burn my eyes so I can't see Stealing every breath I breathe You push me into overdrive And I don't need this kind of light coz now I'm done You took everything while I was staring at the sun Looking back I realize it was too sudden. Too fast. Too much, too soon. I'm going away. And it'll turn out to be good. I wont return and it'll be good. If I stay, a lot will be lost. I myself will be lost. I dont know where or how I'm going to go, just that I'm going to be far away from you. You lied, you cheated and put the blame on me. Never mind. I'll get through this. without your help. I dont need you anymore. Don't need anything about you. Now. Its ended. Too soon perhaps. Or so it seems to me. I don't want to to hold on any longer. It seems like such a waste. We're all going to go to different places, lead different lives, and live our separate dreams. And maybe some day, we'll meet each other...meet and talk and laugh about every thing that was, and everything that could have been... Letting go won't seem so bad then, will it? I can imagine the scene - A coffee shop. Iced Tea and Cold Coffee and Coke (never Papsi, I know) and Chocolate Dough nuts and Us. Laughter. Grinning. And after a while, red eyes and wet cheeks. And then Laughing all over again. Some silence, maybe. And Thinking. I really hope we have a day like this. An entire day dedicated to our pasts. The past that we so readily forget. Trample. Crush. Looking back isn't a bad thing. I wish everyone would see that. We spent all our money On stupid things But if I look back now I’d probably give it all away Just for one more day One more day with you Its over now. I know I'll move on. Make more friends. Maybe even better friends. Things will change. Success will come. Happiness may follow. And it just saddens me more... The ones I really want to share it with...they may not be with me... People who've been there for me through all the low parts of life, may not be there to share the highs. Terrifying thought. There'll be others in the path Others to count on, to share life with But you, you who matter the most You will be lost to me I hope to God you find what you want I hope you have who you need I hope I'd love you always {at first when we start loving someone, our greatest fear is that the one we love will stop loving us. once we overcome this fear and dread, we realise that our greatest fear is that we will stop loving them.} Holding On, Holding Back.I was reading Shantaram. And then went out for a walk. While walking down the stairs, I saw this cobweb. I'd seen it lots of times. Noticed it. Observed it. My interest in it seems to increase every time I see it.Mainly because the spider that spun it, is dead right at the centre of the web. And then from all the overdose of reading 400 pages of Shantaram in one day, I decided to ask "Why?". Why did the spider die right there? Maybe it was trying to hold on to some part of its life. Thats how we are... We hold on to everything. Hold on to people, things, memories...even relationships... A friend of mine once said - "So many of us are holding on to relationships that'll bring about the end of us". Why can't we let go? Let go of the past and move on without regret, without looking back... Sometimes I wonder where this feeling began
Deep in my heart, right from the start Tired and lonely I'll move on from this pain I'm starting again I'm breaking the chain Its not the first time I've thought about something like this. And its certainly not the last time. I realised I don't just hold on to people and things. I stick to habits, routines. I find comfort in them. Knowing that this is what is going to happen...and knowing what is not going to happen. I like the power. Power of knowing, controlling. The power to demand. The power to submit. It feels so good when someone you thought you'd forget comes back into your life. Its scary.
Back to you It always comes around Back to you I tried to forget you I tried to stay away But it's too late I stay longer than I thought I'd stay. Even though I told you I'd be going. I just stay away from you, watch you... Take in everything... And then let it all out. Sort of like breathing. Its necessary. Essential. Truly necessary that I stay away. Not be a part of you. Gives me some time. Time is what we don't have, right? But I want it. I want all the time in the world. I don't want to think for a while. But you make me think. You don't understand that there is beauty in the breakdown. That its alright to come undone.
Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the stars refuse to shine. Out of the back you fall in time Somehow find you and I collide. Stupid BoyWell, she was precious like a flower She grew wild, wild but innocent A perfect prayer in a desperate hour She was everything beautiful and different Stupid boy, you can't fence that in Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind she laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't Stupid boy, stupid boy Oh So what made you think you could take a life And just push it push it around I guess you build yourself up so high You had to take her and break her down she laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't You stupid boy Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost The only thing that ever made you feel alive Yeah, yeah Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans Yes, ya did She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old Same old stupid boy It took awhile for her to figure out she could run But when she did, she was long gone Long gone, long gone Ah, she's gone Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me And she loved me, she loved me God please, just let her know I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees She's never coming back to me
[some day you'll realise how important a person can be. some day you'll realise their worth. some day you'll realise that you love them like mad. and that day you won't find the person next to you. try really hard, and you'll find them again. and that'll be the some day you'll remember forever.] Writing to the DeadYou were a dreamer. You taught me to dream. You believed in things that couldn't possibly exist. I believed in them too. You were my second mother. Twenty-two years - that was our age difference. You were my best friend. I could say things in front of you, knowing I would be told off for it, knowing you wouldn't judge me on the basis of what I said. You would have made an incredible mother. You couldn't be a mother. You were so many things that you couldn't to be. But you never fought against it. You never fought feelings. I learnt that from you. You were a dreamer. You didn't want to die. Its not that you were afraid of death. You just didn't want to. But you did. You killed yourself. They killed you. He killed you. I haven't talked to him properly in four years. The last time I did, I almost said it to his face. I can imagine his expression. I think he loved you. He did. That is the reason I don't want him to know what I think of him now. I remember hearing about it. Hearing that they had found you dead. I was told to stay away from it all. I was made to stay away from it all. I was a kid after all. A kid who didn't understand things. But I did. I can see your side of it. Why did you do it? I've asked myself so many times. I know why you did it. That is one thing about you - You were not a fighter. It wasn't easy I bet. Knowing you, I can say it wasn't easy. You were a dreamer. I remember walking across the dry ground with you. From where we lived - our house - to your home. Did you have a nice childhood? Yes, you did. I remember when we were sitting around the pool, and you'd told me about it. You always treated me as more than a baby. I wasn't a child to you. I was just child-like. Your home. I liked being there. Badi ma. She - your mother - always asked me to call her Badi ma. But I didn't. I always called her Aunty. That room next to the kitchen. I never told you, I loved it. I think it was Dimple Bhaiya's room. I loved it so much. It is so sad to be two minutes away from that home, and knowing that I'll never enter it. Why is it so hard for us to accept something? I haven't accepted it even now that you're gone. I know you're dead. Dead : that's the first word that comes to mind when I think of you. But I still feel you in your room. You never saw my room. You never saw our new home. There is so much you didn't see. Damn. Would you approve of me now? Maybe not. No, you wouldn't. But you'd accept me. And love me. I wouldn't have lied to you. I really wouldn't have. I have to talk to you so badly. Tell you so many things. I'm not writing about you. I'm writing to you. I guess you already know. You've been watching my life. You've been watching over all of our lives. I need you to save me, to defend me like you did then. I want you to come back. Isn't there any way? You'd laugh at this. You always wanted the dead to come back. I want it now. Those things I did, they were wrong. I know. I am paying for it. I wish I could get away, but I don't want to. I always think of the people I love, the people who love me back, and I know what I did was very wrong. But now... What do I do now? You never showed me the way. You just told me all the different directions I could turn in. Do that again. I promise I'll find my way. Disappointment. Somebody is disappointed with me. Very disappointed. I've let someone down. I can make up for it. But will I? I hate the way I am sometimes. The way I think, the way I go about things. But that is how I am... And no one can change me unless I want to. Why? That picture of you, the one taken in Nepal. Two weeks before you died. You aren't smiling in it. I saw that picture four years ago. I knew it then. I knew why you walked away from us. I don't want to see that picture ever again. Its on the table in the lobby on the first floor...the table opposite to the TV. They've changed the couch. The fridge's still there. There's a smiling picture of him and you on it. It was dusty the last time I'd gone there, I'd wiped it clean. The room. Everyone's afraid of sleeping in there. I want to. But they think I'm stupid. Ma won't even enter it. Once when the house was empty - they'd all gone somewhere - I'd slept in there. I think I had the most amazing dreams then. You shouldn't have gone Chachi. You shouldn't have. I miss you so much. But there is no crying now. Not today. I don't want to cry. You don't want me to do it either, right? All those fun times I had with you. All those things you taught. I remember all of them. All of it. I love you. In my dreams, you're still around. Stay there, always. I'm contemplating thinking about thinking It's overrated just get another drink and Watch me come undone Humming a song...As I woke up today I heard the perfect song
I tried to write it down but I knew all along There were no real notes or lyrics in my dream Only the echo of a universal theme What does it mean? I heard the perfect song. It reminded me of my perfect world. Last year. Last month. Last week. Yesterday. Today. The perfect song. The song for you. The Love song. The Hate song. The I-Miss-You song. They've all been for you, all along. You're the song. You're the tune. Lost in You. Falling has never felt so good before.
Cryptic words meander Now there is a song beneath the song One day you'll learn You'll soon discern its true meaning An interesting detachment A listless poem of love sincere Desire, despair Overlapping melodies I go away. I come back. I'm looking for the past I ran away from. I search. I find it...in you. I hear voices in my head. Are they in my head? No, they're real. I bet they're real. You're real. Everything is true. You make it true. You are friendship. You are love. You are hatred. You are possessiveness. You are insecurity. My insecurity. You...you are destruction. Recklessness. Fear. Numbness.
We'll do it all Everything On our own We don't need Anything Or anyone If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words Are said too much They're not enough If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life Let's waste time Chasing cars Around our heads I need your grace To remind me To find my own If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see I don't know where Confused about how as well Just know that these things will never change for us at all If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? InvincibleI memorized all the words for you But if you only knew how much thats just not like me I wait up late every night just to hear your voice But you dont know thats nothing like me You know I wonder have you already figured out All these things that I try to hide All this time I've been hoping you dont find out All these thing that I hide on the inside I cant be held responsible This is all so new to me Just when I think I'm invincible You come and happen to me I want to make sure everything is perfect for you If you only knew that thats not like me to follow through Maybe even give up on these dead end dreams just to be with you But you dont know thats nothing like me Hey yeah, I wonder have you already figured out All these things that I try to hide All this time I've been hoping you dont find out All these thing that I hide on the inside I cant be held responsible This is all so new to me Just when I think I'm invincible You come and happen to me Now I'm waking up I've finally had enough of this wreck of a life How I never thought I'd survive Now I'm taking back all I gave up for that Leave my pain behind Wash these stains from my life Just when I thought all was lost You came and made it all ok I can't be held responsible This is all so new to me Just when I think I'm invincible You come and happen to me I cant be held responsible This is all so new to me Just when I think I'm invincible You come and happen to me I memorized all the words for you If you only knew how much thats just not like me What's happening?Where am I? Lost? No. I'm not lost. I can recognise
my surroundings. This place is familiar. But I don't feel familiar. It
isnt fair that you have so much power over me. You can make a
difference between living and living happily. You are the difference.
Doesn't it make you high? To know that I need you so badly...That you
mean so much? Can't you stop the lies falling from the skies Down on me,I'm still standing Can't you roll the dice,I might be surprised Conscience clear,I'm still standing here Burns like a thousand stars,though you're light years away Burns like a thousand stars or more It wasn't so long ago that I thought I didn't need a saviour any more. But now..now that you're so far away, I need one. Why aren't you here? Oh our so beautiful world...Where has it gone? I feel my wings have broken In your hands I feel the words unspoken Inside When they pull you under And i would give you any thing you want You were all i wanted All my dreams are fallin' down Crawlin round and round and round Somebody save me Let your warm hands break right through me Somebody save me I don't care how you do it Just save me, save Come on I've been waiting for you I see the world has folded in your heart I feel the waves crash down inside And they pull me under And i would give you anything you want You were all i wanted All my dreams have fallen down Crawlin round and round and round All my dreams are on the ground Crawlin' round and round and round Somebody save me Let your warm hands break right through me Somebody save me I dont' care how you do it Just save me, save me I've made this whole world shine for you Just save me, save Come on I'm still waiting for you The last.You can do whatever you want. This is what I said to you. I know you think I'm just saying it without a reason. But dont you know, I've stopped lying to you after seeing what happened the last time I did. Yes. You can do anything...anything you want. All wishes come true if you want them to...most of the time even your dreams will come true if you dream really hard. But no. You wont do it. You dont want to. We're here and now, but will we ever be again 'cause i have found All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade Away again It came true. All of it. I wished. I got what I wanted. Even when I wished for you, you did come back. Turns out you should never stop dreaming wishing...even when you've got what you wanted. There's this movie I saw in which the guy has one chance to make a wish... but he has two things to wish for - one for himself, and for someone else. In the end he makes the wish that would get him what he wanted, but in the process he loses the other person. Thats how I feel at the moment. But unlike the guy in the movie, I dont regret it. Where's all the love Has it all died away All fallen down Sometimes it feels like it can't hurt anymore. I feel like I'm healing. There's a silver light shining in the darkness. But then there's a fresh cut. And the pain starts all over again. I realise that the silver light was actually you, and that now its moving away from me. I turn around. There's another light. This one's coming closer. Maybe it'll be the one to show me the way. Show me the way out of darkness. Walk me further away from you. But as the light gets closer, i turn away. I don't want to leave you. The world will offer What it has to give If you find out too late You'll still find you want to live I want to live. I want you to live. I want you to smile. I want to smile myself. I want to be content with what I have. I dont want you because I know you'll make me choose. I dont want you because I know I'll hurt you...and you'll hurt me. It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... Guess i'll let it go I let go. The little time that's left...the time when we will have to cross paths, I'll try to be invisible. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to take your name. Nothing. I've always believed closing your eyes prevents anything bad from happening. I was wrong, i guess. Closing my eyes will just protect ME from it. The bad part will still happen. Tears are the last thing I have to give. Your indecisions make it hard to live. I close my eyes so I don't see you leave, I run and hide so you don't make me leave, I close my eyes so I don't see you leave. I'm sorry. about time and decisions..
When time decides. The circle made from love and trust breaks. The chain breaks. An emptieness reveals. Memories start to swallow me. Searching the unknown of frustration from being into nothing. Freedom. Way stars. My aim. The joy of existhing. What remained of waitin so long was the bitter and painful experience of being left. Reality. I'm tightly embraced Wounds of love never going to heal. As long as the past remains. Only covered by illusion. The outer wrap breaks from inner pain. Got to be strong and egoistic. Thats the way it is. Oh our so beautiful world. A world dies lonely. ...and the beginning of nothing... To you...dear
gaurav... i dont know which one i'm writing to..you both were the most
precious people in my life once..but i'm going to write to both.. A conversation (silence) (its all i remember..)She: (silence) He : hello She: ummm..hello He : what is it? She: you still dont want to talk? He: no She: why? He: I dont feel like talking ever again. She: okay. *about to end the call* He: you waited 6 days. She: you wanted time to believe whats happening. He: (silence) She: (silence) He: who said that to you? She: almost everybody. He: (silence) She: what made you so angry? He: you still dont know? She: (silence) He: how could you lie? how could you deny everything? She: you knew it. you just didnt accept it.. you did exactly what i did. nobody knew. even i didnt. He: you said horrible things. She: when? He: okay, you didnt. but, you did abuse. what kind of love is that? She: its my kind of love. He: whatever She: (silence) He: why? She: I didnt want to. I was too scared. scared of everything. He: i wouldn't have told you not to. She: it wouldnt have made a difference. He: did you even think of all of us once? She: yes. i did. thought of what you all would say. but, it , made sense then. now is when nothing is making sense. He: things will never be the same again. She: (silence) He: (silence) She: i thought you'd atleast try being happy. He: you thought i'd be happy?? what for? She: (silence) He: good luck. have fun, enjoy the party. She: (silence) He: bye-bye. She: (silence) *click* Who do you need? who do you love.. when you come undone? ~~"I would not exchange
the sorrows of my heart
for the joys of multitude
And I would not have
the tears that sadness makes to
flow from my every part
turn into laughter.
I would that my life remain
a tear and a smile...
A tear to unite me
with those of broken heart;
a smile to be a sign
of my joy in existence."
[Thank you so so so damn much akanksha. love u a lot. thanks again. you've made my day..i'm terribly happy now. but there are things..still, thanks.] RememberBhavs you remember last year.. all the time that we spent in pocket-4? okay, forget last year...remember the first time we'd attended a class there? it hurts to think of everything thats followed. how we'd been so scared of sir. thought he'd probably beat us or something. then how we talked the first time - "aapka naam kya hai??" ..thats so funny. i probably havent talked to anybody like that. then there was shatabdi express and rajdhani express. mudit's idea. :D . bloody hell.. i miss all that! that year should never have ended. oh ya..there was prerna there then..that was the only time she was part of my 'good' moments. playing badminton. hehe. i sucked. and anirudh! remember anirudh?? oh god! he was cute..how could you dislike him? oye prerna-raman! prerna-aruj! raman was better than aruj according to me.. and besides aruj-prerna were just time-pass. raman really liked her.. vinayak!! the dude. :D you know i do feel i wronged him in many ways. all the time. oh yeah there were those seperate boy-girl classes too. that was so damn cool. we'd wait outside for the guys and then play baddy. woohoo! then the "revision" classes..the new guy - ARJUN!! and that KELA guy. arjun had cool shoes. you remember the time i saw a movie -the unexpected journey - and decided to run all the way to tuition. people called me paagal ladki. then there was the time when i kept talking about school. i loved school then...like i love it now. HOLI!! playing holi!! woh toh ekdum wow tha. vinayak ki bahut li thi yaar. [sorry.] and then, just like that, 10th ended. wasnt it too fast? but then we'd gone to appu ghar!! and Akar. yaad hai? you guys are so mean. i didnt even know the guy's name then. My Fair Lady is the coolest ride ever. :D:D. though i wish the guys at Oysters had been a little decent..
11th bhavs! 11th! just the feeling of passing out of 10th... abe yaar... baras sir's classes again. and then changing our batch. joining chem wala mathur. you joining narayana. then the bunking began. Pocket-4! I really love the place... Garuda park. then that low wall [no, its not a wall..i dont know what its called...] outside the shops. Tanki park. You realise how much i love the tank? i loved climbing it. the other park...yaad hai we'd ran towards it when some uncle had caught us climbing the tank? Madrassi mandir..bunny's name for Shiv Sagar [yahi tha na???????] .. The back entrance..how many times had we sneaked in? Remember we'd ordered too much and then we all thought we didnt have enough money..but then prerna paid. :D:D. shit yaar...i'll never have these moments again. oye.. remember the chink girl and the two chink twins?? the girl's name is priyanka. she's in the noida wala narayana abhi. i try not to laugh when i talk to her...hehe...her boyfriend used to wear his glasses behind his t-shirt... :) .. Chain-chain in garuda. i run faster than you all :P:P ... doctor-doctor.. I ran faster than you guys again.. :P:P. the tiny dog jo prerna ke peechhe pad gaya tha - HAHAHAHA!! then the time we'd bunked and gone there and just kept talking.. we'd also ran away from there ek baar...when everybody had turned up and we got too bored...bunny, tu aur main - we'd escaped. walked to sutta seedhi. Sutta seedhi. changed my life. you know what all has happened around there...including the breakup.
Bhavs the other day i told you i'd take a walk through pocket-4? I did. It was really like walking down memory lane. you know that long wala road that leads to garuda - its beautiful yaar. I just sat and read a book. felt a little upset but generally at peace with the world. there's a temple there. the one we'd run to when we were running from vinayak [again..].. I went there when I got too upset. The temple's great...really good. I couldnt stay longer as i had tuition...i'll go there again soon..
Thanks for supporting me always. you said you resented some stuff i did. well, so do i. lets forget it. but you've been there like forever. throughout the time i was sad about stuff...and throughout the time when i was happy. you have some patience!! you actually heard me out on issues about people from school and stuff happening at home. love you always. thanks for the times you said that he or she is sadistic...that he's an idiot...she's mad.. and even though these things were only partially correct, they were reassuring and they're what kept me going.. thanks.. 11th's over. but there's a whole year ahead. a year that i'll be serious about. promise. you promise me the same. and then dont worry about whats happening...you'll get through it.
Love you so much.
Adi questionsSome day the wind will change and you will see me clearly
One day these dreams of mine will bring me to my time Some day i will become what i am meant to be coming to One day but that's a million some days from today i'll wait for that millionth someday. i dont mind waiting. its just that i dont know whether it will happen. will i really become what i'm meant to be? will i really get what i dream of? will..will.. will...? if i had an answer to all these questions i wouldnt care if i had to wait a long long time..
Lately the sunshine makes a different shape around
Lately my music has a different sound to show me Lately i ask questions of the world but no one is listening Tell me when i go to sleep what will the morning bring me? sunshine..music.. i loved them so much. but now that you're going..they dont seem that nice. when i wake up in the morning, will you still be here, in this city? would you be able to say "hi!!" every time you want to? would you be able to hear me out..will we ever have long conversations again? when we meet..someday..will you be the same?
Falling, falling, falling, or am i flying?
Flying, flying, flying, or am i falling? you know how i like both flying and falling. just this once, i wish i knew what i wanted... i wish i could make things come true just by willing things to happen. but sadly, all i can do is do what i do best..
[i'll always be a princess...] long lost friend -IIHow many special people change
How many lives are living strange Where were you when we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannon ball Where were you while we were getting high? that time when we didnt talk..the time when we were strangers. its really dear to me..you know how i am..liking
things that others wouldnt. it was like living in another world. ignoring, resenting...wondering. I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space I don't understand your heart It's easier to be apart We might as well be strangers in another town We might as well be living in a another time i never thought i'd talk to you again..maybe because i blamed myself. it was never your fault. there are things
i did wrong and i accept them. sorry always seems to be the hardest word to me..its easy to say. but its difficult to hear. What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do What have I got to do When sorry seems to be the hardest word its nice having you back. but having lost you once..i cant take it again. i cant change myself and suddenly become
all that you like..lets say i dont want to.even now, when you get shut up, i end up thinking i've lost you. but it doesnt scare me that much now. As I look back at my life
As I move on through the year Every time I reminisce One thing rings loud and clear I'm so grateful A friend like you You're the one Who helps me make it through you've been there for me almost always. you were my guiding star. the one i followed. its a big job,isnt it? i love
you for it. i always will. there have been times i wished to hate you, but i couldnt. its hard to hate somebody you love. very hard. i dont even want to try anymore. just glad you're here..wishing you'd stay forever... long lost friend - Iyou're mine. i claim you. time,people,places...nothing can make me stop loving you. there are some things and some people that you can't question. you are one of them. i won't question you. what you do, you do because you want to. maybe it will help. i wish things would be better.. its one of those wishes i keep making...one of those wishes that i know will come true some day. the days, the times that we had together..they're not over. they shall remain. i can deny everything and kep living in a bubble. but i'd rather not. i know you'll stick to what you said. and no matter how much i miss you..i'll remain silent..once again.
Don't let the night drift away
Its playing on my mind Don't let it fade away Into the lights the night...its a beautiful time. the darkness hides everything. its the time of the day when you can discover so much. it holds so much...it hides so much. i can spend hours just thinking about people...and there's nobody to stop me. sleeping isnt easy...there are so many things to do...so many people to think about. how can one sleep when there's so much to do?
Wherever you are
No matter how far you're my wonderwall. without you i dont know how i'll face everything. there is no replacement. nobody who is like you. in you i'd found my best friend. unseen love and friendship is what suits you best, you say. so lets be that way. it suits me too. but i cant help missing you. i learnt a lot..you taught me a lot. some things i dont remember, but the ones that i do remember..they'll be with me for life. i'll say it again and again and again - you're incredible. and the rest of the world can say what it wants to.
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ? And after all You're my wonderwall beloved friend, i shall live in your afterglow. i will live without seeing you, i can manage that. however terrible it seems. i've heard people say - "why did you come into my life if you had to leave in the end?" . i think its unfair to say that. i am glad i met you. unimaginably happy to have you for a friend. its been nice meeting you. and now that we wont meet any longer..well..its okay..i'll smile through it.
The walls of my memory
Divides the thorns from the roses It’s you and the roses Touch me and i will follow In your afterglow you're a boon..one of the best friend i could ask for. thank you. truly. you became the light on the dark side of me. you arent an addiction. i dont like addictions. you're my power. you remain. someday..sometime..something stupid will happen. and i'll turn around and find you. and when i ask you where you'd been all along, i know you'll say that you were in the background, watching. its the day i'll wait for. just remember, nobody loves you like i do. you're my long lost friend... Green ApplesYou’re toast and jam
And you’re cotton candy You’re double rainbows Beside a setting sun You’re wood burnin’ outside There’s a fire growin’ You’re sweet as green apples You must be the one You bring me to the heart of a golden man You bring me to the natural truth You take me to a solid hollow And keep me sailing this ocean of youth So take me to an altar of diamonds And run with me through sheets of jungle rain Show me all your manly mystery And let me heal your beautiful pain Be my island In crowds of faces My oasis Be there Lead me to the holy water Introduce me to the place you are from Wherever you go you know I will follow So take me there and I will come
India...today, we celebrate our 58th Republic Day. the last year has been progressive (or i think so...) and i wish we do much better in 2007.. not just as a country, but as individuals too. here's wishing every Indian a SPLENDID REPUBLIC DAY...one that opens into a new era of progress.
Watan waalon, watan na bech dena
Ye dharti ye gagan na bech dena
Shaheedon ne jaan di hai watan ke vaaste
Shaheedon ke kafan na bech dena
Doston, saathiyon hum chale
De chale, apna dil apni jaan
Takke jeeta rahe, apna Hindustan
Hum jiya, hum mare, is watan ke liye
Is chaman ke liye
Taake khilte rahe gul hamesha yahaan
doston Saathiyon
Yeh jo des hai tera..
Swades hai tera
Tujhe hai pukaara
Ye woh bandhan hai
jo kabhi Toot nahi sakta
Mitti ki hai jo khushboo
Tu kaise bhulayega
Tu chae kaheen jaaye
Tu laut ke aayega
Nayi nayi raahon main
Dabi Dabi aahon mein
Khoye khoye dil se tere
Koi ye kahega
Ye jo des hai tera
Swades hai tera
Tujhe hai pukaara
Ye woh bandhan hai
jo kabhi Toot nahi sakta Tujhse zindagi ye keh rahi
Sab to paa liya, ab kya hai kami
Yun to saare sukh hai barse
Par door tu hai apne ghar se
Aa laut chal ab tu deewane
Jahaan koi toh tujhe apna maane
Awaaz de tujhe bulaane wahi des
Ye jo des hai tera
Swades hai tera
Tujhe hai pukaara
Ye woh bandhan hai
jo kabhi Toot nahi sakta ye pal hai wahi
jis mein hai chhupi
Koi ek sadhi, saari zindagi
Tu na poochh raaste mein kyun
Aayein is tarah do raahein
Tu hi toh hai rah jo sujhaye
Tu hi toh hai ab toh jo ye bataya
chahe toh kis disha mein jaaye wahi des
Ye jo des hai tera
Swades hai tera
Tujhe hai pukaara
Ye woh bandhan hai
jo kabhi Toot nahi sakta
I love every part of my country... the autos, the flag, the early morning sun, delhi...every single thing... And to me ... there is no other country like mine... Proud to be an Indian... today...I got up today, 2006..2006... it has been the most amazing year of my life...a year that taught me a lot..and a year in which i enjoyed to the hilt...
it all started with the pre-boards in jan...not so great...but, the night-time phone convos were enjoyable..and so was studying<!!>the class trip... 19th jan... brilliant!!the boat-ride. the "rock-climbing" wall from which i fell. the walk.the dancing. jeevan sir's dance.the bus ride...everything!and then my bday.not so great.got into trouble.was followed home and all.but still, it was good...and then going back to school for 2 days...superb days fpr "obvious reasons"(i mean it mayank...)...last days with MY class..with 10B. extra classes for history in feb...playing footy.and spending the whole day in school in order to study history for half an hour..playing cricket with god knows what...and talking for hours.and even everybody gave up desai and i were the only ones still going to school (thank you desi!!) aashirvachan (never thought it'd mean so much to me...).RANG DE BASANTI!!falling in love with siddharth narayan.boards...but before that studying at night... that was the best.messaging!!and talking on the phone forever.the boards...the almost best part...i actually enjoyed taking the papers (sapna ma'am wouldnt have approved if i'd said giving the boards...)
filling up of forms to choose our streams.forging my parents' signatures.auto ride back home.taking the test.V for VENDETTA with friends.bombay trip.food fest in school.jaipur trip.musical afternoon.ketaki's place (17th may!!) with friends.(it was fun, thanks ketaki!) bangalore trip (i was out of delhi soo much??).getting back.back to school.july's a blur...dont remember anything.then...GS elections...poster making at des's place.campaigning.(thnaks again desai!)vellapanti with tuition friends.one month of bunking tuition continuously.captains' elections.manifesto completing for friends.first sem exams.pune trip.buying a sari!!<yes, i bought a sari!>horrible result to first sem exams.promising to do well.vellapanti with tuition friends.roaming all around delhi aimlessly.auto rides back from school.
and here's the best part.my house-pragati!house matches...winning...losing.cheering.playing water-girl.martial arts class.sports quiz.premeet.1500 metres.activity week.cheering.staying back for high jump.auto.actually doing high jump.watching pentathlon events.800metres.end of activity week.where it ended.jaipur trip again.and back to school.class party.and wishing everybody a happy new year.going to janpath with friends.auto ride (that was amazing..thanks bhavita,bunny,aastha).and noida the next day.fighting over nothing.and finally the party! i didnt get drunk...but who cares...i was born drunk..and thats where it stops...the best year of my life.ended.
thank you to every person i know.thank you for all those beautiful moments.thank you for every word you've said to me.thanks for everything.Love each person i know...
Happy New Year...I wish 2007 brings lots of happiness and love for you... Smile throughout the year.. Good luck... and Hugs!! Thank you one last time for every single,little thing... once again...One more day before you go We’ll stay up late for one more show Grab the keys we’re going out We’re leaving home and we won’t come back again We’re friends till the end We’ll take on the world We just don’t care at all I never wanted to believe that you could lie That friends deceive And here I stand I’m still the same I watched you change You wont come back I wonder what it’s like to be like you (I wonder what it’s like to be like you) To never really care how bad it hurts (To never really care how bad it hurts) So go ahead and lie and keep moving on It’s all about yourself and you’re never wrong I’ll watch you crash and burn The day is gone It’s cold out I walk alone as you fade out I don’t know why I’m reaching out And now I know you wont come back Do you remember the days? Way back when we used to say Nothing can change us No one will stop us I’ll never be like you I’ll watch you crash and burn You’re never wrong and you keep moving on just a song.. or maybe..Last night I just wanted to have fun To go out with my friends I took my dad's car I never thought he would find out But I crashed in a wall Man I'm dead I guess it's no use I'm screwing up ever little thing I ever try to do I was born to lose Yeah yeah yeah yeah God must hate me He cursed me for eternity God must hate me Maybe you should pray for me I'm breaking down and you can't save me I'm stuck in hell And I wanna go home Last night I had to study for this test I forgot man I'm dead And now my brain is bursting out of my head I can't think I can't breathe Once again I guess it's no use I'm screwing up every little thing I ever try to do I'm born to lose Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah God Must hate me He cursed me for eternity God Must hate me Maybe you should pray for me I'm breaking down and you can't save me I'm stuck in hell and I wanna go home So what in the world am I supposed to do? I never did anything to you So can't you find something else to do? God Must hate me He cursed me for eternity God Must hate me Maybe you should pray for me I'm breaking down and you can't save me I'm stuck in hell and I wanna go home Thank You I thought that I could always count on you, I thought that nothing could become between us two. We said as long as we would stick together, We’d be alright, We’d be ok. But I was stupid And you broke me down I’ll never be the same again. So thank you for showing me, That best friends can not be trusted, And thank you for lying to me, Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back Yeah! I wonder why it always has to hurt, For every lesson that you have to learn. I won’t forget what you did to me, How you showed me things, I wish I’d never seen. But I was stupid, And you broke me down, I’ll never be the same again. So thank you for showing me, That best friends can not be trusted, And thank you for lying to me, Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back When the tables turn again, You’ll remember me my friend, You’ll be wishing I was there for you. I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most, But you’ll only find my ghost. As time goes by, You’ll wonder why, You’re all alone. So thank you for showing me, That best friends can not be trusted, And thank you for lying to me, Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back. So thank you, for lying to me, So thank you, for all the times you let me down So thank you, for lying to me, So thank you, your friendship you can have it back
Last Activity Week...Am picking up this thread from where Mayank (http://mayank15.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!9BCCA4C34F7E8082!561.entry?_c=BlogPart) has been holding it. Its the last time our batch will be wearing the house colours... Its funny how we never realise the importance of things until we are about to lose them... Happened before... Class 10 B...never knew it was that important until the last day... And then a lot many other things...
I've had my first match...basketball...Pragati (my house) vs. Jyoti... nice and fun match. Not very clean but, enjoyable. And mostly I love this match because our house won it... Am a bit obsessive about my house nowadays...no offence to the other houses...
Meanwhile, I have a million other things to think about... like why the hell do we need to study the difference between THE FORCE OF GRAVITATION AND THE FORCE OF GRAVITY ??? Then I was thinking why is the whole of Delhi closed? I mean if we're protesting against sealing (closing of shops), then how can we do it by keeping the shops and roads closed? And I was wondering how can application of kajal(kohl) cause infection in your eyes? Talking about eyes... it turns out that your eyeballs never grow...that means your eyes should seem extremely large when you're born. but, in my case, my eyes seem big now and when i was a kid then my eyes were a little smaller... [okay...now this talk is going the messed-up way]... Okay that was random... But, now being a Bio student I do have to think about such stuff... Bio...Have a test coming up this wednesday... I read that sponges have a body made of Ca2+. but, then why are they so soft?
Achha okay...I've done enough thinking... and I gotta go study Bio... {Need to study} |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Send a private message
Subscribe to RSS feed
Tell a friend
Add to My MSN
Add to your network
Sign up for alerts
|
|
